"Make up your mind not to put any stumbling block
or obstacle in your
brother's way" (Romans 14:13-21).
Disagreeing and arguments will always happen, but it is unhealthy to allow
problems to become an open sore. The apostle Paul had a disagreement
with the leaders at Jerusalem, but it was solved in a good way. Here
are four steps to you solve problems and quarrels.
Pray about the problem and ask God to help you see the reasons behind it,
the feelings and needs of those involved, and how they may have added
to the problem. Pray and ask God to give you wisdom to find the
right words to reply and to cool the argument.
Listen carefully and respect the other person's point of view in the
argument. Don't blame, accuse, or insult the other person.
Don't even try to find out who's right or wrong.
Learn to listen carefully and try to understand what is important in the
situation. Then ask, "Why am I sticking to my argument? Is
it true, or is there something else behind it?"
Keep in mind that the fight or quarrel may be about personalities rather
than the problem. A person can feel unfairly treated when their
point of view is questioned, and this makes them resentful and want to
get back at the other person.
3. Work Together!
Look at what the problem is really about, what has to be resolved and then
work out possible solutions together. When two people are very
angry with each other they often think there's nothing they can agree
on. But, tell everyone to keep cool and find something they can
agree on, and when they have done this, they will find lots of other
things they can agree on as well.
Work together to find a solution since the problem involves both parties.
If both people can make suggestions on ways to improve things,
they have the best chance of reaching an agreement. Let them ask,
"What alternative solutions are there and which of them could I live
with?" Make sure that all parties desire to see God glorified and
be concerned for each other's happiness.
4. Come Together!
Coming together and praying is a powerful way of seeking agreement.
You will all get rid of any bad feelings and anger you still hold.
Matthew 25:4 tells us to go to our brother or sister and make peace with
them! Psalm 85:8 says:
"I will listen to the Lord ... He promises peace to His people."
Lastly, ask, "Have I added to this situation or made it worse? Is
there anything else I need to ask the Lord to help me change in my life?"
And then make it right as soon as you can.